All About Us
by 26TARDIS
Summary: Ianto's point of view of Torchwood. Rated M just to be safe and for later chapters. Reviews are more than welcome,please be sure to read the authors note at the end of chapter 16. Thanks.
1. The Beggining of The End

**All About Us**

**Authors Note****: Do not own… If I did Ianto would still be alive. Series of drabbles**.

**The Begging of The End**

"You are uhmm… You were bleeding."- I reach to touch him, I do not know what came out from me, and I had the need to touch him, of course, he pulls away. Why on earth would he let me touch him? He says something about shaving but I'm no longer paying attention. I can't take my eyes away from his mouth. Snap out of it Ianto, and say something intelligent.

"It looks like a weevil to me."- I say and he just looks at me like I'm mad.

"I have no idea of what are you talking about"- He turns looks at me again and with a smirk he reaches and grabs the body-"I'll take it from here… Thanks for the assistance"- His breath on my face.

"Any time… By the way Love the coat"- What were did that came from, he's probably laughing at you now Ianto, and yet I think I just feel in love.

First thing in the morning I'm waiting outside of his "office" coffee on hand. Why did I bring the coffee? Don't ask me I don't even know. I say good morning. He doesn't say anything and then I offer him coffee, my coffee. He just looks at me and takes it, and then he says Wow. We discuss the fact of me working for him; he refuses and says I'm not his responsibility.

"Same time tomorrow then."

"There's no job for you here and there never would be"- He keeps on walking without looking back.

"I really like that coat"- There I go again like he cares, but I do, I do love that coat.

**Note:**** Be kind with the reviews remember Santa's watching…**


	2. Pets

**Disclaimer:** Don't own

**Pets**

"So you're not going to help me catch this pterodactyl then?"- I say when I see him turn around in anger. My point hits the target he looks at me with interest and I know I'm in.

We park in front of the warehouse, get off and he grabs a briefcase from which he subtracts a pretty large needle. He hasn't even seen my dinosaur and yet he's already treating her like she was a cow.

"Ok… That's the only special equipment that you 'got"- You got to be kidding me, I thought he would start grabbing tramps and all sorts of sedatives, but no, just a needle.

"Yeah, cuz I keep dinosaur nets on the back of my SUV"- He says to me, and now I know he can pretty much read my mind.

"Torchwood London would have"- I say back without thinking, and he just looks at me like I just offended his mother.

We go in, he tries to play Captain America but to his amaze I have a better plan. The chocolate has never failed me before and for once I feel his eyes on me with more interest than distrust. I manage to give the candy to animal but then he moves, and the animal goes after him. Tries to fly away and Jack grabs it by the leg and up they go. He lands on my arms on top of me, the pterodactyl is falling near us and we have to roll over, now is me on top of him. We laugh, such a nervous laugh, his face is so near mine and I feel the urge of kiss him but I control myself, I have to, we are doing business here.

"I should go"- I get up my knees are shaking and my heart is pounding. Why, why now, when I was so near of reaching my goal, but I have to go I can't stay there, if I do I'm afraid I may kiss him.

"Hey… Report for work first thing tomorrow"- He says getting up. I just turn my head a little.-"Like the suit by the way."

The tears star falling, I can't help it, I should be happy. I'm in, I can help her now, and yet I have this feeling eating my heart like I just cheated on Lisa.

**Author's Note:** Can help if the ending is a little depressing but have you see his face after Jack says to report for work, he look likes he is about to cry or crying already. Please review… Thanks to _**jantoloverxx**_ and _**Shannara Slytherin**_ for put putting this story on their alerts; I promess, I'll try do my best.


	3. Maid

Disclaimer: Do not own but that won't stop me from dreaming

**Maid**

"And this is Ianto Jones. Ianto cleans after us, get us everywhere on time."- Always the last

"I try my best"- She gave a pity look and try to hide it behind a smile. It made me want to spat at him:_** she doesn't need to know that I'm the maid around here, she'll figure out by herself, after all it seems that you have decided she'll join the team**_. She kept looking at him like he was some kind of Greek god or something, I know we all do it at some point but still it was annoying, at least to me.

"And he looks god in a suit."-He said grinning at me.

"Careful… That's sexual harassment Sir."- I said trying to hide my awkwardness. Sometimes I think he knows what to say and when to say it, just to make me blush. I hate him for that… Or do I.

They left. He took her by the elevator, always a flirt. I had to stay, had to clean all the crap they leave behind, don't get me wrong I signed up for this job I even beg for it. It was the only way I could get in. I need to do this for her. It was my way of paying for no being there when she needed me the most.

Captain Jack came back after taking her home or so he said. Right when I was about to leave he gave me another assignment, I had to login in to Gwen's computer and erase anything about Torchwood. I wish someone would do me the favor of erasing all the memories from me; it would make things so much easier. I hate doing this. I finish all my cleaning and now I'm ready to go home. I heisted, I'm no longer sure where my home is, the empty flat that waits for me or the hub.

Authors Note: Thanks to all who have put this story on their alerts, it means the world to me. But please say something a little review wont kill you, even if is only to say that it sucks. I can take it believe me. I can be strong when necessary.


	4. Chinese

**Disclaimer:** _Like I said characters not mine. If they were Ianto will be alive and well…._

**Chinese**

"It's narrowed the numbers down, I could check trough the rest. You know the old fashion way. With my eyes."- I say and everybody just look at me like I'm not entitled to have a brain. They just look at me smile and then they totally ignore me, typical. I go back to my duties, plus I need to figure out what we going to eat since I'm not feeling like cooking.

I've been noticing there is something going on between Gwen and Jack, at least with Gwen she's always looking for possibility to be near him, to talk to him… I think she is attracted to him, who isn't; they would make a god couple except by the way she reacts at some things I think it makes Jack annoyed.

I decided on Chinese. I know this little place where they serve the most amazing food, is just a small family owned place, so they haven't lose their recipes to franchises. I come back to work only to find Gwen strangling Owen, long story, can really blame her; Owen knows what buttons to push so anyone can burst on anger.

We were eating and chatting, sharing some memories and jokes. Jack leaves to the bathroom, and the others start interrogating Gwen about Jack, see I'm not the only one who thinks there's something going on there. Owen says Jack's gay, Tosh says no way, and I say I don't care. Who am I kidding here? Of course I care, I think he is gay or at least bisexual, otherwise why would he be flirting with me all the time? And worst I believe I'm going gay. Why else I keep blushing every time he gets near me or when he asks me for something? I've been studying this effect and even though he says it's these pheromones of him, but still I don't see him flirting with Owen (and Owen is looker!) he does with Gwen but is minor. I have caught him watching my every move; he is the first to give his attention when I have something to say.

I think I'm falling for him, I know is not fair to Lisa but I can't helped it.

_**Note:**_ _Sorry for the delay. Not my intention is just that I got caught up at work, holiday and The Doctor…_


	5. Scream

**Disclaimer: **_**I own neither the characters nor the song.**_

**Scream**

_Hace días que te observo y he contado con los dedos cuantas veces te has reído y una mano me ha valido. Hace días me fijo no se que guardas ahí dentro y a juzgar por lo que veo, nada bueno… __Nada bueno._

He got home. He sat on the couch and turned on the TV not really watching just a way to escape the silence that invades his flat. It's been almost two years and he was still where he began, sometimes he just wanted to run the hell away, he should have done that in the begging now it was too late. He got up and went to bed without turning off the TV.

Earlier that day Lisa had been crying again begging him not to leave her, and for a second he had tough of disconnecting the machine that was keeping her alive, to end her suffering, to end his. He couldn't bring himself to do it. He sat there holding her hand with tears on his eyes trying to read her one of her favorite books of poems till she fall a sleep. He hated leaving her there, but he had duties, plus according to his calculations the team would have to be back soon. He made it to the main floor just in time to hear the alarm announcing that they were back. He put his happy face mask on and greets it them, for some reason Gwen was crying so he went down to the kitchen to make Tea and coffee for everybody.

When he came back with the drinks he learn that they had found another alien device that apparently let you see ghosts, Ianto wonder if it would be a day where they would found a device that turn cibermen in to normal people. Only the he would tell them about Lisa without being afraid and he could have her back and everything would be normal. But not today, today it was just a normal day on Torchwood where nothing good happened to him. After drinking coffee and had some lunch (Cinnamon Buns) they leave again so goes back to Lisa and checks that everything is running normal. She's sleeping so he leaves without wakens her up; it would just make it more difficult. He goes to the archives and start looking again, maybe he just over look some of them.

He was still there when they got back, for some reason they were yelling at each other, nothing bad, not an uncommon thing on Torchwood. To end the discussion he heard Jack yelling at Owen to leave it alone and to go home. After a while the Hub drown in silence but jus for mere seconds, he was feeding Myfanwy when he almost jump at the sound of shooting for a second he tough they were being attack but no Jack was only teaching Gwen how to shoot, you'll think they'll teach that on the police academy, apparently they do not. Great now he had an extra place to clean before going home.

He got in the room just as Gwen was leaving; she had a devious smile on her face, which told Ianto a whole story with out saying a word. Jack was still on the room apparently attempting to start cleaning. Ianto didn't say a word he just started to put stuff where it belong, feeling Jack's eyes on him. Jack finally left leaving him alone to finish and go home.

**Author's Note:** _**I know is a third person but this one didn't look good in one person sorry. Thanks to all who favorite, review, put on alert or just took the time to read this, it makes my day thanks again.**_


	6. Decisions

**Disclaimer:** I own neither the characters nor the poem!!!

**Decisions**

_**Déjame reposar aflojar los músculos del corazón y poner a dormitar el alma para poder hablar, para poder recordar estos días los más largos del tiempo… No ha habido hora más larga que cuando no dormías, ni túnel mas espeso de horror y de miseria que el que llenaban tus lamentos, tú pobre cuerpo herido… **__**Jaime Sabines**_

Don't get me wrong, I held myself responsible for not telling the others about Lisa. I have had opportunities to do it, but based on what I saw while working on Torchwood One. I confess that I'm afraid. What if they decide to kill her with out giving it a second tough? She is my Lisa; she'll always be my Lisa. The woman I was going to marry and have my children with. I can't betray her. I owe that much to her.

How can you walk a way when the person you love is in pain? How can you do it when you now that maybe there's a possibility of saving her? I admit I didn't think about I just follow my heart and grab her away from the fire. I did not stop to think on the possibilities of keeping her alive, or where to keep her; I just wanted her safe with me. The first days were pure hell she was crying all the time, in so much pain. It made me feel so helpless; we hide on my flat until my savings run out. A lot of times while going to the store to buy essentials I felt like running away just leave the nightmare behind and go somewhere far away, but every time I'll go back home to her, pretending that nothing was bothering me and every thing would be alright.

Our funds run off. I heard from my sister that Torchwood Three was sort off running free around Cardiff. A light bulb went on in my head; there was the answer for my prayers. If I can get in I would be able to find something to help Lisa and bring her back to normal. So I told my sister to help me find a flat and we were off to Cardiff. As soon as we set foot on Cardiff I dedicated myself to spy on Torchwood, it wasn't as difficult as I thought since they seem to be as popular as the Queen. I waited for the right tome and then introduce myself to the famous Captain Jack Harkness. He gave me a hard time but still at the end I was part of the team and I brought Lisa with me.

Now I had two jobs, one being part of Torchwood and do everything they ask for me except for wiping their asses, but I'm sure if they ask for it I'll probably have to do it; and taking care of Lisa with out anybody noticing, not that they put much attention on me. I think is better that way, there's no need for them to know about me, plus every body have skeletons on their closet, so why does it have to be me the open one, and what would they say if they knew: _**"We are so sorry Ianto. We know what you are going thru, but you most understand we have to kill her."**_ With that thought in mind I guess is better that my skeletons never leave the closet. Every day you take decisions and you must be prepared to accept the consequences.

**To whom it may concern:** _Sorry for the delay but due to a termination of my former antivirus I end up stock without internet, not that I have the long lost X files stored on my computer, but still I do not have to money to be paying for a virus removal either. Again sorry, hope that won't keep you from reviewing._


	7. Consequences

**Disclaimer: **_**Once more, I own neither the poem nor the characters.**_

**Consequences **

"_**Es un mal sueño largo, una tonta película de espanto, un túnel que no acaba lleno de piedras y de charcos. **__**¡**__**Que tiempo este, maldito, que revuelve las horas y los años, el sueño y la conciencia, el ojo abierto y el morir despacio! Nada de lo que fuiste, fuiste y fuimos a no ser habitantes de tu infierno." **__**Jaime Sabines**_

Lisa is dead. They have killed her and all my fears had turn out to be true. Moreover, I am only to blame myself, I tried to help her and I failed, she is dead because of me. Lisa didn't even want to work for Torchwood she had her eyes settle on and another company, but when the call for an interview came first, I was the one who pushed her to go, I had apply too, so the possibility of working together took over. Just for a second I had my hopes on, when I found Doctor Tanaka, and he finally agree to come and check on Lisa only to find death on her hands.

Jack wanted me to execute her, has he no heart; she was my Lisa how could I bring myself to hurt her? He does not understand. Does he not know that when in love you are able to betray the world and do not care. How dare he says it was no longer my Lisa, that the cybermen had taken over long ago, when just before she was so happy of being able to walk again. I hate them and I hate him the most. I am not taking back my words I want him dying and suffering. I want him to feel all the pain and lost I have now.

I am at home trying to decide if I go back or not. Why should I? I no longer have a motive. Tosh came the next day, and I did not answer. She kept coming back day after day until she force her way in, she cried with me saying she was sorry and I know she meant it. He came too and for a second I tough he was here to retcon me, but sadly no. He said I was free to come back. Why is he leaving that decision to me? Didn't he say: I was not worth of his trust; maybe he is just giving me time to kill myself that way he won't add more blood to his hands, or maybe I do have a reason to come back.

**Note:** _**Against of what you think it kills me to see Ianto cry, so to do Cyberwoman was really difficult .Reviews are more than welcome, thank you for taking the time to read this.**_


	8. Today

**Disclaimer**_**: **__**If I were to own that horrible thing call COE would have never happen…**_

**Today**

_**Hello, hello- you still around, you say? Walking like you never heard us.**_

_**Hello, hello- how are we doing today? Asking me again and again…**_

"You shouldn't be here!" –The words echoed in my head and for a second startled me, but for some reason they sounded more like a comment than an accusation.

"Neither do you!" –For what I could observe he had just wake up, there goes my theory that he never sleeps perhaps he is more human than I thought. Without saying another word I sat down and continue my work, I had actually forgotten he was in the room with me when suddenly I felt the warm of his hand on my back; shyly I turn around only to confirm it.

"What you got?" –He gives me a pat on the back.

There is a feeling emanating from the gesture I can put a name to it, but is like saying: "_I am here too and you are not alone. You don't have to be alone."_ It is been like this ever since; every time Gwen sees me she smiles at me as if I won something, and I can help but to think you are seriously freaking me out. Tosh acts around me, as I am the son she is never had always worrying if I had sleep or eat right. Asking me how I feel and looking at me as if I am lying when I say that I am all right. Who am I kidding I lie to them what is the point of telling the true. The only one who does not smother me with attention; Jack, he is another story he is always pouncing around me, making sure I notice he is there; makes me feel like when I was in high school and the girls would leave notes on my desk saying how cute I was and giggle behind my back.

I do not know how to act around him. First because of the horrible things I say to him and second because is not an everyday thing I being courted by another man. Is true that when I regain conscience, after Lisa had throw me across the room, he was holding me and apparently just kissed me; but after putting mind in to it I came to a realization that he was just giving me first aid. So after that I did not give it much thought, because really, why he would chase after me when he has Gwen drooling all over the floor for him, I am just the Tea boy.

Suddenly I have Goosebumps all over my body. I feel so awkward and I just want him to take his hand away from me, I think he finally realizes that I am not comfortable because he resumes position and backs away with a simple question.

"What you got?" –He asks and I try to act the more casual that I can think.

"Funny sort of weather patterns." Obviously falling on the intent.

**Authors Note:** _**So I guess I should start begging…**_


	9. Truth or Dare

**Disclaimer:** _Do you really want to rub it in? They are not mine, there you happy now._

**Truth or Dare**

_**What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way…**_

_**What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you…**_

"So my turn, isn't? It was Lisa…" –Everyone stops laughing and all eyes went to me.

"Ianto I'm sorry" –Gwen says pity on her eyes. I hate pity.

"Sorry she is dead or sorry you mention it." –Jack looks away; Tosh keeps her eyes on the horizon and Owen just looks at Gwen like saying: _**See now what you did? You and your stupid games.**_

"I just didn't think." –Now, there you have it, most of the time she just talks without thinking who she is going to hurt.

"You forgot…" –What else could I say.

Owen comes up with a good excuse to leave the awkwardness of this situation and Gwen leaves with him; Tosh keeps sitting next to me without saying a word. Then when I look up, I find myself looking directly into Jack's eyes who are staring at me.

He doesn't say a word but I can feel it, he is mad. I can see it on his expression. Now that I think about I should have ask him right then why was he mad? Was it because I mention Lisa or because interrupted the happy gathering we were having? On the other hand, was it perhaps that he got offended when I did not mention that the last person I kiss was in fact him? Well if it was the last one, I have a good answer to it. Why I would come out and admit that he was my last? What good would it come from it? Owen would most positive make fun of me. Tosh would probably said no way and then demand to know all the details; to Jack most probably I am just another mark on his list; and Gwen after admitting that she kissed Owen, I can't guess her reaction as to Jack kissing me, probably she would just feel offended or rejected. Finally myself won't I look like a hypocrite saying that Jack kiss me the same night Lisa die. I am afraid the answer would a unanimous yes.

Admitting that it really happened would mean that I have to accept a lot of feelings that I have been avoiding. If I do not admit, it never happened. Right now denial is good.


	10. Welcome to Chaos

**Disclaimer: **_**Would you actually believe that I own the characters? Thanks to all for taking the time and read this.**_

**Welcome to Chaos**

_**Where has all your innocence gone little one? Its okay let it go don't you want to be free? Where are all your excuses now little one? It's so easy let them go turn yourself in to me…Welcome to Chaos do you recognize me?**_

"You're used to this, aren't you? That facial expression you all share. When things get a bit, out of control. Like you enjoy it. Like you get a high from the danger."

"You want me to apologize for that."

"Don't you ever wonder how long you can survive before you go mad, or get killed, or lose a loved one?"

"It's worth the risk, to protect people!"

"And who protects us?" –The question hang in the air, yes I was afraid. Afraid that they would forget about us, terrified that they would die trying to rescue us. I am trying to be brave for Tosh, for myself. She goes around the room trying to find something that can help us, and finds shoes more than one hundreds I can say, different types from different decades. Then we find a fridge, what is inside is what frights me the most, is now in my every nightmare.

Now thinking back on that night, I still can't understand what drive them to do such a horrible thing. How can they call themselves humans, every other creature on this planet, even the weevils have a reason behind their killings: hunger, protecting territory, self defense; but they, those people were just doing it for fun, for tradition. It terrifies me to think at what point humanity is going to turn in to that. Is that how the world is going to end humans killing each other's for fun?

After all the nightmare had past and Captain Jack came to our rescued, Gwen insisted and talking to the guy so she could understand, I don't think she got much from it. She came out worse than when she went in. There is nothing to understand, nothing to assimilate they were not humans.

Tosh call me in the middle of the night to ask how I was, apart from the nausea feeling that I have an my stomach every time I see meat, and the pain all over my body due to the beating I took, I am glad to be alive. She said that I could count on her for whatever I need, if I ever want to talk about anything I could just call her and she will be here. I understand now that in order to survive this nightmare call life you need to have someone to rely on, someone who sees you as an equal, and the one you can call a friend not just a coworker, that is what to Toshiko has become, my friend.

**Authors Note**_**:"It is my belief, Watson, founded upon my experience, that the lowest and vilest alleys in London do not present a more dreadful record of sin than does the smiling and beautiful countryside."**_


	11. Heaven of Discontent

**Disclaimer:** _Would you believe me if I say that I own Torchwood?_

**Heaven of Discontent**

_It leaves you here, where life begins again, without the one who chose you for what you are. Nothing left or is it now at last that life begins…_

We did not see much of Tosh this week, it turn out that she was in a relationship, with an alien… I guess, I am not the only one good at keeping secrets any more, after all was done, and we return to normally. If you can call this normal, I went to her flat, wanting to do research on the necklace, and to check on her since Jack had giving her some days off.

In a way, I was afraid of how the past events affected her, to my surprise I did not find her crying on bed or drunk, as I did. She was watching TV, as if the past day had never happen. I walked in to her flat, diary in hand, she was the first to know I keep a diary and she actually encourage me to keep it update. When I asked why she had destroyed the necklace, she just said it had become a curse, that it was starting to affect her way to view people.

Then she drops the question: _am I all right? Or am I still in pain?_ I answer with another question: _Why?_ Then she told me what she heard from me, I caught me by surprise I knew on the last days she had develop a way to read minds, now I know it was because of the necklace, what I did not know is that she read my inner thoughts, it maybe feel vulnerable. I had been betrayed by my owns thoughts, she offer her help again, even in pain she can't fight her motherly instincts, I accepted the offer by only if she take off her mask too, and stop pretending she was not hurting.

I believe one day she would make a great mother, and whoever gets her as a wife it is going to be a lucky fellow or girl; I believe she is open to options.

**Authors Note**_**: Sorry if it too long and that is actually short. I just started school so I had to organize myself, and I suck at organizing.**_


	12. Just Once

**Disclaimer**_**:**__ As I have point it out before I do own it… Right not even I believe that. Reality sucks!_

**Just Once**

_I feel your forbidden touch, your breath across my skin. How could such a simple thing mean so much? I need to feel you from within. You can't go alone forever…_

Woke up late this morning, my whole body hurts. Thank God is Sunday, and I don't have to go to work. Got up and walk in to the bathroom without turning the light, I let my eyes get accustom to the dim light coming from the window. I pour some fresh water on my face and finally turn light on. I look at the mirror and there right on neck almost near my left ear, is a hickey. I stare at it horrified, and found another one near my nipple.

"Oh god Ianto, What have you done?" –I started to panic, sat on the toilet, and tried to put myself together. "Ok, try to stay calm maybe is just a scratch from blankets, remember they give you a rash last time we change detergents. Yeah right, that is definitely not a rash." –Oh my god I thought when I discover that I was indeed talking to myself. I went to the kitchen and my hearth lap at the possibility that he was still on the flat, but no he must have leave while I was sleeping.

I sat at the table while the coffee was brewing, the strong aroma fills the room but still his scent lingers on the air, and I hate those pheromones of him. Just for a second I lowered my defenses and gave inn. That big mouth of mine telling him about the uses of a stopwatch. It all started on the office and then he said _why don't we go somewhere else more comfortable?_ Never in a thousand years I would have believe that I would invite him to my bed, he is a man for god's sake and on top of all that my boss. My boss, the one I have to face in the morning, which I supposed to make coffee for. The one I almost kill.

Coffee starts getting cold in front of me, but I don't want to wake up. I am still dreaming about his hands, they felt so… They made me feel… Every time I close my eyes all I can see is his smile, the way he look at me, how good he felt…God what does that make me know? Am I going to start finding Owen attractive? Nah, too much of an asshole for my taste. I think you making a Tsunami in a 1.5 oz cup; he probably just took it as one nightstand. That is all it was, nothing but one nightstand, and what else were you expecting Ianto a marriage proposal. Of course not. So why should I feel embarrassed to face him, he most probably forgot all about it already. He did not even have the courtesy to stay and face me. At lease I am out of his system he might stop chasing me and let me work in pace.

**Authors Note:** _as you know, Ianto is kind of missing on Random Shoes, he only makes to appearances: 1- To point out Eugene's collection; and 2- To give the description of the car. This annoys me since after the Stopwatch scene I have nothing to work with, for the next chapter. So I am letting you know that I am skipping Random Shoes, if someone found a interesting scene that I may have miss please point out, just remember is about Ianto, not Gwen. Again, thanks to all for taking the time to read this and review. It makes me feel special. Oh and Gurugirl I am a Fan Girl too I love Countryside "Squeak." I know too long for an author's note_. And the Tsunami thingy not mine, a friend's quote I over react to much.


	13. Shouldn't Have

**Disclaimer:**_** Well think about it if were to own, do you think I would have allowed the Ianto's murder?**_

**I Shouldn't Have**

I used to believe in life to show me what is real, and then you came along telling me secrets, telling me lies. And then you came along telling me what to do.

I was having one of those days; the ones when you should not have woke up at all. My alarm, for some absurd reason, decided to take the day off, so I arrived to the hub and hour late, and only Tosh was there. She told me they had already left when she arrived, but Jack had called her to let her know they were coming back about five minutes ago. I left to make coffee. One thing is to have to face a mad Jack because I was late and total different one is to do it empty-handed. I had been ten minutes or less when I went back up to bring Tosh some tea, and I found out we had visitors. I did my best invisible man impersonation, and I would have thought I got away with it, but no. Jack gave me a sing to meet him in private. After a small talk of why was I late, I got my assignment for the day; I was to be an escort for the new comers. Yes, I was to be a nanny, on top of all my responsibilities, God some days just suck beyond no reason.

I had to put my "I would help you" face, and take them to the market. It turn out to be more relaxing than I had thought, they got excited over the simple things like bananas, and I couldn't help but think you are getting excited over bananas wait until I make you bungee jump. The next day I did my best on avoiding Jack although it was not that difficult since he had been busy helping the new comers specially John who seem to have trouble adapting. I keep saying that I was avoiding Jack, but what was I really doing was evading my reaction to be near him. I did not want to confirm my fears of being one more fling on his endless list, and of course, I did not have the stomach to watch him flirt with the new girls, so I stayed as far as possible from him. Then fate happened, John took my keys, and after getting tired of looking for them, I had to call Jack. He did not sound surprise as if he was expecting my call, that got me annoy. On his office and he had the look of the cat who had swallow the canary, the same look he had that infamous night, just showered, suit impeccable and those damn pheromones. I tried my best to keep my distance and I thought I had succeeded, yet again, I was wrong. He called back around five saying he would take me home. A light bulb went on in my head, when we got home. He was driving my car how in earth was he going to get back. So I asked away.

"I would walk" –He just gave me one of his half smiles –"Unless…"

Unless, felt in the floor like a dying butterfly, as hungry kisses got a hold of my mouth and my neck. Desperate hands undressed me and shyly blue eyes kept avoiding the new question forming in the air between our naked bodies. The next morning the first thing to cross my head when I woke up was oh my god Ianto, not again. I got up slowly and began my routine trip to the bathroom when I notice the aroma, I almost run to the kitchen and found it empty, still something was different the coffee brewer was on, then I received a text message and got my answer for now.

**Authors Note:** _**Thank you again to all who had taken the time to read this, and to those who had review or put this one on their alerts. You make my day and I would gladly bake cookies for you all, if only I knew how.**_


	14. Field Work

**Disclaimer:** _Oh my God, he killed Ianto… You Bastard!_

**Field Work**

_**You keep on tempting me to go on whatever the cost, to witness the prettiest flower in the wicked to dust. So I will break all the rules on this endless game once called love… For you**_

For the first time I am actually out of the Hub, working with Jack. I sure of myself, I can do this job. They gave us proper training back in London and I top of that I took some self-defense classes on the gym to keep what I learned. The question is why no one else believes that, I am capable of doing this. I saw it on her eyes when he asked me to go with him; it was not pity, hurt, jealousy, or even anger. It was doubt; clearly, the question on her eyes was, why him, is he good enough? I was getting on the car with Jack, to go to the hospital when my phone ran; it was a message from Toshiko.

"Gambatte!" One simple word that made me smile and change my mood. I will probe them all wrong even Jack, he only sees me as the sad puppy of the team, the one that needs to stay back at the hub in order not to get hurt. I can help but smile every time I think of that, they are so wrong.

Any way we had to save Owen from being killed by Janet, although I do not see the point on saving someone who does not want to be saving, but like Jack said he is part of the family. You do not choose your family; you support them on their darkest hours. And right now, he is a mess. Gwen, all I can say you most have some nerve, if you can cheat on the person who worships the ground you walk. Jack and I…

**Authors Note:** Sorry I know, cliffhanger! Is just that, I just read "_**The Undertaker's Gift**__" and I can talk about Jack's relationship with Ianto without wanting to reap Jack's head off. He can be such an ass sometimes. Yes, I said Ass._


	15. From Yesterday

**Disclaimer: _Oh my god he killed Ianto… You bastard!_**

**From Yesterday**

**What is never said dissolves easy in a cup of tea. Always waiting to tell you something else, but my heartfelt words they just do not want to fly. Every silence is a crying cloud that follows me around. I want to tell you how I feel. You are what I want the most, but I lose you with my silence.** Rag Doll

"You have to let Diane go, like I did with Lisa."

"Do not compare yourself to me. You're just a tea boy."

"I am much more than that. Jack needs me!"

"In your dreams, Ianto. In your sad wet dreams when you are his part-time shag, maybe. That rift took my lover and my Captain. So if I die trying to beat it, then it will all be in the line of duty."

How am I kidding, he is right. Jack does not need me unless is to satisfy those urges of his, and even then I am his last resource. What am I doing here? Am I that of a masochist? I know he can provide the security I am looking for, he has even said it straight to face. Just casual sex. Yet I am always there he feels like it.

Why... Why do I keep building hope in quick sand? When I see him rip my dreams apart. What for do I need your mouth? When kisses are falling off to the floor and there I am humiliated, likes always ready to pick them up. Sometimes I wonder do you really care if I am there, or anyone else would do just fine. Haven't you notice that it breaks my heart to see Gwen throwing herself at you, and then I wonder why do you pick me, when she is there? She is always there, catching your smiles, catching your little winks. Is this your revenge, I wonder? Is this the best way of punishing me that you could think off, for what I did with Lisa. For betraying you. Haven't I demonstrated you once and again how sorry I am how guilty I feel? Was not enough with losing her I get to see you playing with me just like a cat does before killing the mouse.

What is exactly that you want from me? When would I be enough for you? Am I ever going to be enough for you? Why does it have to be me the one losing all the time? Tell me, and I promise I will work hard to be worth of you.

I must be really going mad if I think you would actually listen to this. You would have to be born again in order to change. Who am I kidding I would never love you if you were different. I love you just as you are, your personality flaws, the way you smile like a kid when asking for a favor, and the way your eyes cloud every time I say no, the way you snore… Yes Captain Jack you snore! Even if you like to parade yourself as a non-sleeper, I have heard you. All that, and more that I discover every day when your guard is down, is what reminds me that to love you is not best idea but is perfect.

To love you, Captain Jack Harkness, is the best of the worst that has happened on my life.

**Authors Note:** _**I **__**know… Angst! What would you expecting didn't you read the summary. Cookie anyone?**_


	16. House of Cards

**Disclaimer: _In my head, RTD and I have come to an agreement. "COE never happened." _**

**House of Cards**

_**I am sitting in my house of cards, sitting, waiting, and watching for a collapse. I'm watching it all come down on me. I'm breathing the dust to inhale in my lungs. This sweet lullaby of choking dreams is singing me, is singing me to sleep, I will fall for what I can never have.**_

Torchwood is over Jack left us. We do not know what to do; we look like scare children trying hard not to cry. We do not actually was happened, Gwen says he was taken. Why did you lefts us Jack? Was it because of what happened? I didn't mean it, once again I was a coward and I fail to protect what I want the most, I should have back you up, in the whole Owen-Gwen rebellion, but you must understand at the time it seem the only way to help the world. Against all my good judgment and my gut, I had to turn my back on you and help them. I died when you died. You have to believe me.

When Owen shot you, I feel the bullet going thru my own head. I regretted immediately, I thought we were just going to put you on confinement until you decided to cooperate, but they went too far and I did nothing to stop them. I am as guilty as they are. Jack were ever you are I ask for your forgiveness. Then you revived, just like waking up from a dream and I never felt happier. But then you left to take care of that monster and again I let you go alone. You promise you will come back, but you didn't. For several days we waited for your response, for something to show us that you where alive and although it was painful, at least we knew where you were.

Now, everything is complicated, we don't know if we should just closed down the hub, leave and try to pick our lives from where we left them to join you. You were always there pushing us forward, making us better, now we are alone and mere humans that know nothing but basics. What do we do Jack? Gwen says we should keep doing this for the sake of humanity. Owen says to hell with humanity. Tosh and I just wait, more than once my heart had leap at the sound of the door. I need you here. We need you here. I want you here. Please Jack, come back.

It's late, almost two in the morning, my eyes are tired, but I don't seem to be able to rest. We have a meeting tomorrow, have to get up early and clean the hub, we are taking a vote over if we closed down or not. I already know is going to be one crappy day, and the fact that I can sleep is not helping at all. My lips still burn with that last kiss, do you think in me, Jack? Silly me, I am sure you have more important things to do than to think in this mere Tea boy. I should really go to sleep now; I am starting to think nonsense.

**Authors Note:** _I bet it won't hurt to leave a comment, so I am leaving you a question: This is the end of season 1, and let's be realistic; I am not good, I know that, but I am 90% stubborn. So the question: Should I continue with season 2? I will patiently wait for your replies. (Who am I kidding I got 0% of patience) Thanks again to all who had taken the time to read all the nonsense that goes thru my head. To all that reviewed, you made my day happier. Finally to all who put and alert on this story, you made me hope. _

_Sincerely, 26tardis._


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